benefits of being friends with me
- shitty jokes whenever you ask for them
- shitty jokes whenever you don’t ask for them
Fun shark attack facts:
- In 1996, toilets injured 43,000 Americans a year. Sharks injured 13.
- In 1996, 2,600 Americans were injured by room fresheners. Sharks injured 13.
- In 1996, buckets and pails injured almost 11,000 Americans. Sharks injured 13.
- For every human killed by a shark, humans kill approximately two million sharks.
- Humans are assholes.
- Sharks are not assholes.
- Apparently everyone in 1996 lived in a real-life infomercial.
I don’t mean to interrupt people I just randomly remember things and get really excited I’m sorry
So my mom tells me shes going to the gym so im like WHOOH I GET THE HOUSE TO MYSELF I CAN WALK AROUND IN MY UNDERWEAR HECK YEAH!! so im strutting around doing a makeshift fashion show catwalk and all of a sudden I hear DANA PUT ON YOUR CLOTHES and I literally take the longest walk of shame back to my room because turns out my mom forgot her towel and ended walking in on my undie parade